Through these past few months, I've come to realize that the hardest thing about this situation is that I'm still in the process of moving on, whereas he has moved on. I don't want him back. That's one thing I do know. I just don't understand how someone can wipe their hands and call it a day. I guess it helps when you are seeing someone else already.
So, I started wondering how I could crawl out of this empty-heart kind of feeling. When I thought to myself about what consumes all of me, the answer was bodybuilding. In all actuality, bodybuilding had a lot to do with the demise of my relationship. Instead of working on "us", I was more interested in working on "me". Was I selfish? I'm not sure how to answer that, but what I do realize is that I found valid happiness during that time. I found a direction to follow that provided a purpose in my life that aligns who I am with what I am passionate about.
Recently, I admitted to a friend that I started feeling lonely and that it scared me to call "it" that. I don't have a problem being alone; it's living in a state of loneliness that scares me. The gym is the place where I face myself. The iron is always there to witness all of these self discoveries from the mirror's reflection. My successes and failures are always there for me to pick up on. The gym provides me with an opportunity to self evaluate who I am from the inside out.
In simple words, it's where I need to be at this point in my life. It's what feels like home. It's what makes me feel whole.
It's time to get serious about competing again. :)
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